Egret Toilet Habits

Aren't egrets great? I know they're common as muck these days, but they still bring a touch of the exotic to your local drainage ditch, gravel pit, or reservoir. As I was watching this handsome fellow, he suddenly broke off from a very successful spot of fishing and hopped back on to the land for no apparent reason. After a few seconds' wait he ejected an impressive white squirt of effluvium from his behind, upon which he stepped back into the water and resumed his meal. How terribly civilized.

Fans of Countdown may like to know that "Egrets greet a great rat egg at Regent Street gate stage" is the longest six-letter ornithological palindrome in the English language.

Tremble, Earthling

Tremble, earthling, for I am Kag'x, destroyer of worlds, and I hold your planet in my jaws.

Sterling Chicks

Q: How can I get more eggs?
A: Keep poultry.

Q: Is it easy?
A: Yes, quite.

Q: The best way to start?
A: Buy and rear day-old chicks.

Q: But surely, half would be cockerels?
A: Not if you buy STERLING CHICKS; the sexes are separated; and if you order PULLET chicks you get them.

Q: That's good, but aren't they hard to rear?
A: Not Sterling Chicks; they are so well-bred and sturdy.

Q: When would they commence to lay?
A: In 6 months.

Q: Is there a cheap, reliable book about rearing?
A: Certainly. Get the new Sterling booklet "Helpful Hints." It costs only 6d. post free.

Q: Where shall I apply?
A: Same as for List of Breeds and Prices - to the Sterling Farm nearest to you.

BRITAIN'S BEST-BRED BIRDS
STERLING POULTRY PRODUCTS LTD.

Keeping Poultry and Rabbits on Scraps, Thompson & Goodchild, 1941

Exit Poll

As the nation stumbles towards the dawn of a golden new political age, we've conducted our own highly scientific poll of twenty- and/or thirty-something IT and/or design professionals to see who should really be running the country. Here are the results:

1. Who would you most like to see in 10 Downing Street?
   1. Tony blair: 1%
   2. Michael Howard: -1%
   3. H from Steps: 7%
   4. Some kind of giant insect creature: 98.4%
2. If you ansered some kind of giant insect creature to question 1, what order or species of giant insect creature would you prefer?
   1. Praying Mantis: 12%
   2. Dung Beetle: 31%
   3. Ant Lion: 13%
   4. Endoparasitic Wasp: 74%

3. If you ansered endoparasitic wasp to question 2, would you like it to lay its eggs in:
   1. Politicians: 80%
   2. Journalists: 78%
   3. Politicians and Journalists: 67%
   4. The Chattering Classes: 7.4%

4. If you ansered A, B, C, or D to question 3, should the larvae eat their way out of the host organism when it is:
   1. Still breathing: 76%
   2. Breathing but paralysed: 87%
   3. Unconscious: 3%
   4. Live on breakfast television: 67%

Unfortunately for the silent majority, giant insect creatures are unlikely to come into power any time soon due to the antiquated and unrepresentative nature of our voting system. Which is a shame.

Totokia

The totokia is a traditional Fijian implement. Can you guess what it might be used for?

1. Gardening
2. Head-hunting
3. Cannibalism
4. Aggressive non-consensual brain-surgery